(Distinctions are subtleties of language that, when gotten, cause a shift in a belief, behavior, value or attitude.)
You can correct a person’s error, misunderstanding, lack of awareness or misinterpretation without having to judge, criticize, diminish, or in any way make the person wrong.
Being unconditionally constructive is one of the three essential elements to effective correction. To be unconditionally constructive means to point out the positive, because you understand that the negative is obvious to all.
Coming from the place that the person is perfect is the second element. This is based on the truth that you are doing the best you can do every moment. (Even if you consciously know you aren’t doing the best you can do, if it’s what you do, then it’s the best you can do!) Getting this concept – and it flies in the face of our culture – frees you to deal with what is and not have to spend (read “waste”) your time fighting against it.
The third essential element to effective correction is being charge neutral in the process. Charge neutral describes the tone of voice that has no high or low energy to it, almost blase’. You can be charge neutral and still very passionate. You become charge neutral when when you are comfortable with yourself. Charge up (loud, reactionary, concerned) or charge down (patronizing, parenting, appologetic) is how you show your weak foundation.
Copyright 1995 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.
