(Distinctions are subtleties of language that, when gotten, cause a shift in a belief, behavior, value or attitude.)


Thanksgiving and the holiday season accent the energy around giving. When you give it just feels good. You give because you want to; there is no attachment to the results. Giving honors your values. It is an internal experience of your Self.

Pleasing, on the other hand, is based on having your needs met and comes from a lack of self-worth or self-esteem. You try to please to feel acceptance or approval or to minimize rejection. You are dependent upon the other person’s reaction to you for a sense of self.

Pleasing is therefore a form of manipulation or control of another’s reaction to you, an external experience and one you must do to get your needs met. Giving is a choice.


Coaching Point: Happy, Thanks, Giving!


Copyright 1996 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.