S:0131 Top 10 List: Top 10 Ways to Set and Extend Boundaries

1. Educate people way in advance:
“You know, I’m fairly touchy about people raising their voice at me…”

2. Ask the other person to stop:
“I ask that you stop yelling at me, now.”

3. Demand that the other person stop:
“I demand that you stop yelling now.”

4. Walk away:
“I am walking away because you refuse to respect my boundaries.”

5. Raise your own standards: “I don’t yell at anyone for any reason.”

6. Warn the other person when they are getting too close:
“This is escalating into a fight and….”

7. Upgrade who you hang around with:
“My family/friends easily respect my boundaries, and I, theirs.”

8. Extend the boundary:
“It used to be OK for you to be angry with me, but now….”

9. Not get into situations with people in which you’ll predictably need to extend your boundaries.

10. Announce or extend the boundary the MOMENT you can tell the other person is going down the wrong path with you.

 

Copyright 1998 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.