(An unmet Need causes us to feel empty, incomplete or less than whole. Fulfilling a Need gives us freedom to be ourselves.)
The pain of not being included, or being excluded, is a common one and typically starts in our teenage years. It may stem from not being asked to the dance or not being chosen to be on the team. While most people ultimately get included enough to feel whole, others of us have an unconscious hole that needs to be filled.
If you notice that you have this need, take a look at your behavior. Are you doing things – perhaps at great cost to your Self – that cause others to include you? Or does your behavior sometimes seem to have just the opposite effect, that is, people are repelled? Try to see this need in someone else and it will help you see what you have been doing. If it feels kind of yucky to see this need in yourself, then that’s a pretty good indication you’ve got it!
First, acknowledge that you have the need to be included. Healing starts with acknowledgment. Then ask several people who care about you to help you meet this need, perhaps by going out of their way to ask you to be included in their activities. Make a lighthearted game of this. As time passes you will notice the diminished effect on you this need has.
Healing brings a freedom, but even that’s no big deal. After all it’s only a need.
Copyright 2000 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.