(Distinctions are subtleties of language that, when gotten, cause a shift in a belief, behavior, value or attitude.)


Most people don’t know how to make requests.

They do know how to demand. They also know how to plead, lecture, attack, whine, and hint. They also may know how to tell a story with the hope you will divine the meaning and give them what they want.

None of these are as effective as making a request.

Someone who makes demands is completely attached to the outcome of their demand. They may even derive a part of their sense of self from whether their demand is met.

It takes a strong, confident person to make requests. Someone who is Self-aware, but not self-absorbed.

An effective request is made politely, but strongly. It is succinct and clear. There is no emotional charge to an effective request.

In addition, an effective requester has no attachment to whether the request will be accepted and honored. They simply make the request, let it go, and then deal with what comes up next. The person of whom they are making the request then has the space to learn and grow.


Coaching Point: Are you an effective requester?


Copyright 2004 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.