(Distinctions are subtleties of language that, when gotten, cause a shift in a belief, behavior, value or attitude.)

Nobody likes to fail; it feels yucky.

Failure is the reaction you have when something doesn’t turn out the way you wanted or expected it to. Notice the word “reaction” in that sentence. Failure is not about the thing; it’s about your reaction to the thing.

Failure is a judging of events and/or yourself. “I failed to…” has a downer context. It’s not about wishing things had gone another way, even if that’s part of it. It’s primarily about experiencing feelings of inadequacy or inferiority.

You can deal with the same events in a different way. You can treat everything as feedback. “I did this and that happened.” No judging, only learning. If what you do gives you the results you want, do more of it. If not, do less. Remaining focused on the question, “What really happened here?” leaves you open to receive feedback.

Experiencing the world as a sequence of failures is draining and diminishing.

Feedback teaches. Feedback grows. Failure is the same as feedback – plus an emotional and self-judgemental story.


Coaching Point: It’s not easy to give up a lifetime of seeing some things as failures. How can you turn your next “failure” into feedback and use it to adjust and keep growing?

 

Copyright 2007 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.