S:0818 Distinction: Desire (Real) vs. Desire (Something Else)

(Distinctions are subtleties of language that, when gotten, cause a shift in a belief, behavior, value or attitude.)

 

There seems to be some confusion about what Desire is.

When you have real, true desire you are experiencing something which feels good. It’s a clean, simple, centering, powerful experience. You are designed to have desires. To feel a desire is natural.

Part of the confusion about desire is because it can seem to have a future component to it. That is, “When I get what I desire, then I’ll…,” which is classic When/Then thinking. It’s the noticing of this future component which tips you off that you’re not experiencing real desire. You’re experiencing desire mixed with a need, an attachment to an outcome, a “missing,” or some other emotional ingredient that is not desire, it’s something else. Notice the not-now nature of the experience.

Real desire, on the other hand, is simple, quiet, and pleasing. While what you desire is indeed of the future — that is, it’s not here yet — the essence of real desire is a present-moment experience. There is no attachment to that future where the outcome you desire will (or won’t!) occur.

Imagine you are eating a delightful meal. You have just had a delicious bite. You then desire to have another. In that immediate, instantaneous, right-now moment is the desire. It is subtle, simple, and real.

Most of us have been conditioned to only notice the satisfaction (or non-satisfaction) of the outcome, so we rush past and completely miss the experience of Desire itself.

 

Coaching Point: Try noticing your desires. Notice if they are tinged with a need or some other future payoff. If so, what does real desire feel like?

 

Copyright 2011 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.