(Great fears are barriers to experiencing your real life.)


This fear, if present, is usually in full bloom by the time we are teenagers. As part of our multiple-year growth process we go through many stages and one of those is developing the ability to affiliate or connect with others, a useful and healthy skill.

However, that stage of development leaves us vulnerable to feeling not connected. At its extreme we can feel rejection. Rejection is painful and since we desire to avoid pain, we develop behaviors to keep from being rejected.

We don’t get it that not everyone will love, or even like, us. We don’t understand that life can still be wonderful in the absence of universal acceptance, praise, and adoration. In fact, we usually don’t even notice that there is no one on the planet who is not rejected by someone. We think we’re the only one. It hurts most when the rejection is by someone close to us or who we want to be close to.

To effectively handle the fear of rejection you will want to determine why you want this connection. Is it because you need it in order to define who you are? (Name dropping.) Is it because you think it will get you somewhere? (They’re on the way up, so I’ll hitch my wagon to their rising star.) Or some other reason.

The key to resolving the fear of rejection is to notice the attachments you have. Being attached to a relationship, that is, needy for it, leads to possibility of rejection which leads to the fear of it occurring.


Coaching Point: Have you already resolved the fear of rejection? How does that feel?


Copyright 2011 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.