(Distinctions are subtleties of language that, when gotten, cause a shift in a belief, behavior, value or attitude.)


Don’t lecture me. Don’t make me wrong, ‘should on’ me, act superior, or treat me like I’m stupid. You do – subtlety or overtly – and I’ll dig in my heels and push back, or at the very least ignore you.

(Okay, did that feel like I was lecturing you? Doesn’t feel too good does it? That uncomfortable feeling is part of what makes lecturing so ineffective as a tool for change and growth.)

To lecture me is to attempt to push me into change. Very (very) few people really love to change. Even fewer love to be pushed to change.

To enlighten me is to pull me, awaken me, excite, engage, and join me. It’s opening me up instead of trying to straighten me out.

When you seek to enlighten me you see us on a shared journey of discovery and growth. You see us as co-teachers, each being awakened by the other. Right now it’s your turn to enlighten me, later, perhaps me you.


Coaching Point: You will need to inform people that you want them to enlighten you rather than lecture you. Who do you need to inform?


Copyright 2016 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.