S:1279 Personal Need: To Be In Control

(An unmet Need causes us to feel empty, incomplete or less than whole. Fulfilling a Need gives us freedom to be ourselves.)


We want our leaders to lead – in the classroom, the outdoor adventure group, the company, the government unit, wherever. Some people are called to lead and are therefore in control in a healthy way. The effective leader is drawn to use control as a tool and natural expression of their role directing others.

Notice they are drawn versus driven, a tip-off to this dynamic.

Another person is driven to be in control because they have an emptiness, a neediness, which can only be (temporarily) filled by running things, being in charge, titled, in control. Without that control they are uncomfortable. They need it in order to matter, to feel whole. Neediness is not an attractive trait, it is off-putting. Notice that nobody likes being called needy or even thought of as needy.


Coaching Point: Do you know anyone who has a need to be in control? How does the energy they radiate feel different from that of effective leaders?


Copyright 2020 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.