S:0235 Personal Needs: The Need To Be Special

(An unmet Need causes us to feel empty, incomplete or less than whole. Fulfilling a Need gives us freedom to be ourselves.)


Having a need to be Special can be a powerful motivator. It can cause you to outperform others or even outperform your own expectations. Significant results have been created by people who have this need. The problem with it is the energy it consumes in the process.

The basic nature of a need is that when it is unmet you don’t feel whole, somehow you’re not enough. Even though you may not think of it in these terms an unmet need is inherently painful. And you will do things to minimize pain.

Therefore, if you are unaware of the need to be Special you will be unconsciously motivated to perform until you receive the “you’re Special” feedback from the outside. Since this feedback, or energy, temporarily stops the pain you will repeat the actions, even if you consciously don’t like them! That’s how powerful unmet needs are.

If you see or suspect you have the need to be Special, first acknowledge it. Then see how it has manifested in your past behaviors. Finally find healthy sources of the feedback you need and notice how you feel when they occur. In time — usually a fairly short time — the need will be healed. Then you will be free to choose your behaviors rather than have them decided for you by the unconscious need to be Special.


Copyright 2000 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.