(Distinctions are subtleties of language that, when gotten, cause a shift in a belief, behavior, value, or attitude.)


Approval can feel really good. Like being included in ‘the club,’ being recognized for a performance. Or meeting the standards of others. Approval is like an endorsement from outside.

Approval can be need-based, which is the tricky, sticky bit. That is, we need approval in order to feel fully ourselves. Something seems missing until we get that chunk of approval from outside. We need approval.

Validation is different. Validation is affirming something that is already so about us. An acknowledgment of facts. A clarifying label. Simply confirmation.

Approval can have some feeling of being judged in it. And it is external.

Validation is mostly emotion-free. Affirming facts from within.


Coaching Point: Do you feel different when validated versus approved?


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