(An unmet Need causes us to feel empty, incomplete, or less than whole. Fulfilling a Need gives us freedom to be ourselves.)

This can be a hard one to see in oneself; easy to see in others. Why is that?

When we are the pleaser, we are getting a need met. We are looking for a return from the investment being made. And be clear, pleasers pay.

Costs are common for all needs. No one gets their needs met for free. Why are we willing to pay? Because core to the issue of all needs is that an unmet need is on the pain scale, a little or a lot. It feels like a ‘missing.’ When we use an outside source to meet a need, it reduces or eliminates our discomfort for a while. We pay for that.

It is as if we are defining ourselves by what we can earn from the outside. Living life from the outside-in is risky and expensive.

Discover why you have a need to please. Where did it come from? First, you have to own the fact that you have the need. Then, let it go. That may take some work.

Then you can enjoy pleasing others only because it brings you joy. You are living your life from the inside-out. When you come from that place, pleasing pays.


Coaching Point: Have people ever called you a people pleaser?


Copyright 2026 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.